Thursday, June 19, 2014

Do not let ANYONE tell you it can't be done

Today I have been reading about the struggles of single moms, and believe me I know the struggles. One site I was reading the advice a girl was getting was that she needs to quit school and focus on raising her child and earning what little income she had coming in. This upset me because as a single mom I do not believe we should settle. Life is hard but we can get through it. I want to share my experiences of being a single mom. This is not a sympathy post, it is a motivational post. We all go through struggles in life, it is how we get through these struggles that make us who we are.

2010: For me, being a single mom started the day I found out I was pregnant. I knew that the father was my ex. We were together for 8 years, split up, tried to make up, but no luck. I found out I was pregnant a couple of months later. He was seeing someone else, and my name got ran in the mud. I was called a slut and much worse all over facebook. The word about me was supposedly I had been sleeping with numerous people during this time, which I was not. I had the support of my exs family and my family, but not having the father involved was hard. I could understand that it was hard to believe I was even pregnant. I had been told I would not have kids, and him and I were together for 8 years without even the worry of ever having a kid.

2011: Before my son was born I new I would be moving. I was leaving Texas and heading towards the mountains. I was planning on South Dakota, but plans changed. My disabled sisters husband left her after 20+ years to raise 3 kids on her own, and my disabled mom also lived with us. Once my son was born June 10, 2011 I new I had to leave. We took a camping trip to Colorado and found the perfect spot. The day I was released from the doctor from my Cesarian we packed up two moving trucks and two trailers and moved to Colorado. My son was two months old when we made a 15 hour drive to where I currently live.

I was blessed with a job two weeks after we moved. The pay was not much, but I was able to pay most of the bills for my new large household. In December of 2011 I fell at work and permanently injured my right knee. 

2012: Everything was going fairly good in the beginning of the year but September 14, 2012 I fell at home and had a few bad injuries. My neck, back, right leg, and right arm was hurting bad. I am still dealing with the pain today. The doctor pulled me off work for a couple of weeks. Well I was a week away from being covered by FMLA, so I lost my job. I did receive unemployment after a couple of months, but it still was not enough to cover everything.

I did start taking 15 credit hours in college in August of 2012. 

2013: In February we found a much smaller place to live, but it was something we could afford on such limited incomes.

In April I was offered my job back at my former employer, and I took the position. I started working 40+ hours a week and was still taking 15 credit hours of school.

In July I was promoted to assistant manager because we had lost our entire crew, plus one of my coworkers was in a horrible accident. She was out for a little more than a month. During this time it was basically only the store manager and I. I was training three new people and he was covering mornings by himself. This means for about 2 months I worked 70 hours a week, no days off, still went to school full time, and still made sure my son was taken care of.

In October I had a customer start coming in regularly. Him and I talked a lot but not much else.

2014: The 1st week of January that customer finally asked for my number. We talked for hours every day, but did not actually have our first real date until Super Bowl Sunday because we kept having horrible snow storms. Even just on the phone we instantly hit it off on a very intimate level. I stayed at his place that Sunday because of the weather. Our first kiss was the most intense thing I had ever felt in my life. I knew from that moment that I would be with him forever, and I had avoided dating for 4 years. He was able to get into my heart further than anyone ever had. We spent as much time as possible together. My son loved him, and my mom even said he will be with you forever. She said we were perfect together.

Sunday April 13, 2014 I had spent the night at his house, he and I were both really sick when we woke up. He almost passed out walking me to my car, but he told me he would be fine. He was more worried about me, as always. He called me a little while later and told me that he had eaten and felt much better.

Monday April 14, 2014 I received a call from a detective. She wanted to meet. I knew what was coming. He died during the night due to carbon monoxide poisoning, which I was also suffering from the previous morning. His dog was with him, she survived but was put to rest a few days later. Losing him was horrible for me, my family, and especially my son. We had made so many plans, and he pushed me to do my best in everything.

The next few weeks I had to take finals, do final projects, and help with his final things.  I did fail one of my classes but it was the hardest thing I had ever been through, and honestly it still is most days. His parents have been the best, they even signed his truck over to me. They told me that he had finally found his soul mate. What seems to hurt his mom the most is that he had been through so much, and finally found someone that would be with him through everything. I made him want to change his life.

During this time I only took one day off of work. I still worked more than 45 hours a week, some weeks recently more than 55. I have taken the Summer off of school, but will finish my last class next semester.

As I read back through this post I realize  it shares a lot, but does not even begin to show the emotional and physical things I have went through since I have become a single mom. My son has kept me going. I also have to say with all of this, I still have my faith and a very positive attitude about life. There are days where I wish I would have been in that bed with my boyfriend, but then I realize that my son would have suffered way to much.

Do not let anyone tell you that you can't accomplish things in your life. There will always be struggles in life, but you can get through them. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I have learned that the more positive you are about life, the better life is.

UPDATE 2019:

Well since this post I have still has many things happen. December of 2014 my sister passed away,  January my sons grandfather and my Aunt passed away, and since then I have lost my grandmother, a couple of cousins and my last great aunt. It has been hard but we have also had blessing.

When my sister passed away my mom and I got custody of her kids. Her son chose to live with his dad so I had her two daughters. So I was a single mom of my son and her two daughters. Thank God for having them though, they mean everything to me just like they were my own.

In April of 2015 we were homeless and stayed homeless until I was finally able to purchase a home in November of 2015. We had a lot of friends help us through this and I do not know what I would have done without them all.

I did get my business degree in 2015 even with all of the struggles that I was facing. So do not ever let anyone tell you things cannot be done. I did it and so can you.

We also have a new addition to the family, my daughter, Delila. She is now 14 months old. She is a hand full but an amazing baby.

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