Since I have became a mom I read a lot of different things on the internet. Today I came across another post about single moms, the comments were ridiculous. The comments were things like; single moms deserve it, the country takes care of the single moms because they are worthless, single moms bring it all on themselves, single moms are horrible moms, and a lot of other very negative comments about single moms. The only question I have is why? Why is there so much negativity to all single moms. These people cannot judge all single moms because of things that a few do. It makes me so upset to see such negativity towards single moms. Each single mom has there own situation that brought them to be a single mom.
My story:
I was with the man I loved for a little more than seven years. We had actually tried to have a baby before, but no success. I was actually told I would never have a child. Well we split up for a few months, then began to hang out again. I was still in love with him, and honestly still am. We had sex one night, and a little over a month went by and I found out I was pregnant. I sent him a message to let him know, and guess what he said. "Who's is it?" I had not had sex with anyone else and I knew whose it was without a doubt.
After a month or so of not talking he decided he wanted to try and be involved. I was open to that. We went out to dinner and hung out for a few weeks. When my birthday came around we set up a date, he stood me up. The next thing I know I was being called a slut, whore, bitch, and other things on Facebook. I never responded to all of the comments, I knew it would come out.
During the remainder of my pregnancy I decided I had to move on with my life, so I planned a move from Texas to Colorado. I had always wanted to move north, and I made up my mind to do exactly that. I did want to wait until after the baby was born though.
I sent my babies dad all of the sonogram pics and updated him with all of my appointments. The only response I received was that I was just carrying the baby, I wasn't important. The day I went in the hospital his mom talked him into coming. I never turned him away. He was there the day his son was born, and was one of the first people to hold him. I knew he was with someone else, and I was OK with that. It wasn't about me, it was about my son. I did not put him on the birth certificate because I was being a little selfish and thought he should have to work with something. He did put public apology on Facebook the day my son was born.
My babies dad was there a little bit in the couple of months that I was still in Texas before I moved. He didn't come much because every time he did his girlfriend would call, text, threaten to leave him, and even called the cops on herself at one point because she was going to hurt him. I found out later that she had her birth control implant removed without him knowing and became pregnant a few months after he found out I was pregnant.
Him and I agreed to be friends and he agreed to pay $200 a month to help, well that did not last long. His girlfriend told him to stop because he couldn't see his son anyway. I was even OK with that. I didn't push it. I wanted us to communicate so he could get to know his son. Every time we talked I would start getting messages from her. She even went as far as to say she was going to take my son. There were quite a few incidents with her sending me threatening messages, so I decided to let him know that I couldn't deal with anything from her. She has nothing to do with my son.
They had there son in January of this year. I have talked to him a few times, and send him pictures occasionally. He was trying to plan a trip to visit, but decided not to come because she was not welcomed. I have never threatened to keep his son away from him, and I keep trying to involve him in everything. There can't be only one person trying. One of the last conversations we had was that if his girlfriend could not have any involvement with his son that he didn't want any involvement either. I still send him pics and texts letting him know what is going on, but he is not ALLOWED to talk to me about anything else. LOL I really do not understand it all.
Now I am a single mom, work full time for not much more than minimum wage, start school full time in August, take care of my son, and yes I do receive food stamps and medicaid. I have not went after him for child support because I would get no more than $200 a month. Since we split up he went from having a nice apartment and a nice car, to losing the car we had plus three more. Then she posted on Facebook the other day that there fan is being repoed. They have also been evicted from two places. I learned all of this from him and his family, I am not just making things up. So why should I try to take a man to court, have him acknowledged as my sons dad, fight with the system, then still probably get nothing. I feel like I can do it, I am willing to work as much as possible to take care of my son.
My Sisters Story (in short);
She has been on life support eight times since 2004, had her pancreas, spleen, and part of her stomach removed. She is married to the man that helped raise me and gave me away at my wedding, my brother-in-law. They were the ideal couple up until about two years ago, well she found a pic of a women on facebook that was taken in his 18 wheeler. Well in short, he moved out February 4th, 2011 to be with another women. He left her with three kids, a mortgage, and no income at all because she is disabled.
She told him that she was planning on moving to Colorado with me, and he signed the court paperwork allowing it. The reason for her deciding to move was that her home was being foreclosed on, and my mom and I was moving. She wanted to be with her family, since we are the ones that have raised the kids since she has been sick.
He was ordered to pay $1400 a month in child support. I am sure that shows you the kind of money that he makes, and since then he is making over $250, 000 a year. Since we have been in Colorado (August 14, 2011) he has paid two child support payments, and let the vehicle that he was supposed to be paying on be repossessed. He did give my moms truck back to her, but there are a lot of problems with it. I am trying to fix a little at a time. My sister receives Food Stamps, medicaid, and TANF. She was recently awarded disability, but she has not received a dime. Also he has started paying child support, but she has yet to see a dime. The reason she has not seen a dime from either is TANF. TANF has to be paid back, and apparently they cannot figure out what she owes so they are keeping everything from both. So for everyone who thinks that single moms who receive help from the government have it made, think again.
My Feelings:
I know that there are single moms that abuse the system, I know a couple personally. There are people that abuse every system, but you can't judge people in a whole because of what some do. There are a lot of single moms that are trying to give there kids more in life. One comment I read was that all single moms sleep around without protection and keep having babies so that they can receive welfare, another was that women should focus more on finding the right relationship before having kids. My sister was married for 17 years and was with that man for 22. They lived great, and he made over $200, 000 a year for the last few years, so she felt secure financially. She can't afford a lawyer so she is being screwed by her husband.
The people that do talk so negative about single moms need to educate themselves more. You are ignorant to things that go on around you. My sisters three kids can teach you a thing or two, all of them are in the presidential honor society. Hell my 11 month old son could probably teach you something, since I take time to teach him counting, colors, and RESPECT.
I may have rambled some in this post, but it pisses me off to see the ignorance in this country. These ignorant people judge all single moms because of something a few do. I am guessing that they judge a race because of something they see one person from that race do that is not right. The only judge I have is GOD, I can not and will not be judged by another. I will also not judge anyone else. I love everyone, but I do not have to like all of the ignorant judgmental people that actually know nothing about life.
