Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Moms Helping Moms

I met a young pregnant lady at our local grocery store the other day. Last night she came to my job to use the restroom. She was in there close to 30 minutes, so I went to check on her. She was ok, but started asking me questions about being pregnant. I could tell that she did not have a lot of people to talk to about this, so I took the time to answer any questions that I could. We spoke for at least ten minutes. After we talked she let me know that her boyfriend was in the car. All I could think was REALLY? She had been in the store close to 45 minutes, is due in a month, and he did not even come in to check on her. It really upset me to see the look on her face when I asked why he wouldn't come to see about her. She instantly came up with excuses.

It is unfortunate that I actually noticed the situation. She is a young girl, pregnant with her first child, and does not have a lot of people to turn to. Well I had to help in any way that I could. I offered her a baby bed,  I am looking through my sons clothes so I can give her any that he can't wear, and I gave her my phone number so she could call me if she needed help.

I do not have a lot in my life, but I want to help people as much as I can. Especially someone in her situation. I think moms should help moms. I am really thinking about starting a web site that is exclusively to help moms help other moms. It is something that I am working with, and thing it would be a great site. I am not thinking about making money, but really helping moms. Not just single moms, but all moms that need help.We will see what happens.

As of now I am going to help this young lady in any way that I can. I found some clothes, bibs, shoes, and a few other things. I will be giving them to her tomorrow, and if I can help her in any other way I will.

Negativity Towards Single Moms

Since I have became a mom I read a lot of different things on the internet. Today I came across another post about single moms, the comments were ridiculous. The comments were things like; single moms deserve it, the country takes care of the single moms because they are worthless, single moms bring it all on themselves, single moms are horrible moms, and a lot of other very negative comments about single moms. The only question I have is why? Why is there so much negativity to all single moms. These people cannot judge all single moms because of things that a few do. It makes me so upset to see such negativity towards single moms. Each single mom has there own situation that brought them to be a single mom.

My story:

I was with the man I loved for a little more than seven years. We had actually tried to have a baby before, but no success. I was actually told I would never have a child. Well we split up for a few months, then began to hang out again. I was still in love with him, and honestly still am. We had sex one night, and a little over a month went by and I found out I was pregnant. I sent him a message to let him know, and guess what he said. "Who's is it?" I had not had sex with anyone else and I knew whose it was without a doubt.

After a month or so of not talking he decided he wanted to try and be involved. I was open to that. We went out to dinner and hung out for a few weeks. When my birthday came around we set up a date, he stood me up. The next thing I know I was being called a slut, whore, bitch, and other things on Facebook. I never responded to all of the comments, I knew it would come out.

During the remainder of my pregnancy I decided I had to move on with my life, so I planned a move from Texas to Colorado. I had always wanted to move north, and I made up my mind to do exactly that. I did want to wait until after the baby was born though.

I sent my babies dad all of the sonogram pics and updated him with all of my appointments. The only response I received was that I was just carrying the baby, I wasn't important. The day I went in the hospital his mom talked him into coming. I never turned him away. He was there the day his son was born, and was one of the first people to hold him. I knew he was with someone else, and I was OK with that. It wasn't about me, it was about my son. I did not put him on the birth certificate because I was being a little selfish and thought he should have to work with something. He did put  public apology on Facebook the day my son was born.

My babies dad was there a little bit in the couple of months that I was still in Texas before I moved. He didn't come much because every time he did his girlfriend would call, text, threaten to leave him, and even called the cops on herself at one point because she was going to hurt him. I found out later that she had her birth control implant removed without him knowing and became pregnant a few months after he found out I was pregnant.

Him and I agreed to be friends and he agreed to pay $200 a month to help, well that did not last long. His girlfriend told him to stop because he couldn't see his son anyway. I was even OK with that. I didn't push it. I wanted us to communicate so he could get to know his son. Every time we talked I would start getting messages from her. She even went as far as to say she was going to take my son. There were quite a few incidents with her sending me threatening messages, so I decided to let him know that I couldn't deal with anything from her. She has nothing to do with my son.

They had there son in January of this year. I have talked to him a few times, and send him pictures occasionally. He was trying to plan a trip to visit, but decided not to come because she was not welcomed. I have never threatened to keep his son away from him, and I keep trying to involve him in everything. There can't be only one person trying. One of the last conversations we had was that if his girlfriend could not have any involvement with his son that he didn't want any involvement either. I still send him pics and texts letting him know what is going on, but he is not ALLOWED to talk to me about anything else. LOL I really do not understand it all.

Now I am a single mom, work full time for not much more than minimum wage, start school full time in August, take care of my son, and yes I do receive food stamps and medicaid. I have not went after him for child support because I would get no more than $200 a month. Since we split up he went from having a nice apartment and a nice car, to losing the car we had plus three more. Then she posted on Facebook the other day that there fan is being repoed. They have also been evicted from two places. I learned all of this from him and his family, I am not just making things up. So why should I try to take a man to court, have him acknowledged as my sons dad, fight with the system, then still probably get nothing. I feel like I can do it, I am willing to work as much as possible to take care of my son.

My Sisters Story (in short);

She has been on life support eight times since 2004, had her pancreas, spleen, and part of her stomach removed. She is married to the man that helped raise me and gave me away at my wedding, my brother-in-law. They were the ideal couple up until about two years ago, well she found a pic of a women on facebook that was taken in his 18 wheeler. Well in short, he moved out February 4th, 2011 to be with another women. He left her with three kids, a mortgage, and no income at all because she is disabled.

She told him that she was planning on moving to Colorado with me, and he signed the court paperwork allowing it. The reason for her deciding to move was that her home was being foreclosed on, and my mom and I was moving. She wanted to be with her family, since we are the ones that have raised the kids since she has been sick.

He was ordered to pay $1400 a month in child support. I am sure that shows you the kind of money that he makes, and since then he is making over $250, 000 a year. Since we have been in Colorado (August 14, 2011) he has paid two child support payments, and let the vehicle that he was supposed to be paying on be repossessed. He did give my moms truck back to her, but there are a lot of problems with it. I am trying to fix a little at a time. My sister receives Food Stamps, medicaid, and TANF. She was recently awarded disability, but she has not received a dime. Also he has started paying child support, but she has yet to see a dime. The reason she has not seen a dime from either is TANF. TANF has to be paid back, and apparently they cannot figure out what she owes so they are keeping everything from both. So for everyone who thinks that single moms who receive help from the government have it made, think again.

My Feelings:

I know that there are single moms that abuse the system, I know a couple personally. There are people that abuse every system, but you can't judge people in a whole because of what some do. There are a lot of single moms that are trying to give there kids more in life. One comment I read was that all single moms sleep around without protection and keep having babies so that they can receive welfare, another was that women should focus more on finding the right relationship before having kids. My sister was married for 17 years and was with that man for 22. They lived great, and he made over $200, 000 a year for the last few years, so she felt secure financially. She can't afford a lawyer so she is being screwed by her husband.

The people that do talk so negative about single moms need to educate themselves more. You are ignorant to things that go on around you. My sisters three kids can teach you a thing or two, all of them are in the presidential honor society. Hell my 11 month old son could probably teach you something, since I take time to teach him counting, colors, and RESPECT.

I may have rambled some in this post, but it pisses me off to see the ignorance in this country. These ignorant people judge all single moms because of something a few do. I am guessing that they judge a race because of something they see one person from that race do that is not right. The only judge I have is GOD, I can not and will not be judged by another. I will also not judge anyone else. I love everyone, but I do not have to like all of the ignorant judgmental people that actually know nothing about life.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Single Mom on Welfare

I have been reading about different things online with single moms. I have noticed that there are so many people that try to put single moms down that are on welfare, and all of the stereotypes are so wrong. Believe me, I know that there are a lot of women out there that abuses the system, but not everyone.

I am a single mom on welfare, but I am using welfare to help me stay afloat without losing everything. I am also trying to improve my life. I work full time, I try to earn money online, and I am going to school in August so that I can better mine and my sons life. There are a lot of single moms that want to give there children a better life, and I wish all of them could realize that they can do it. No one said it would be easy. I know I have a constant day to day struggle, and it will be even harder for me once I start school. I plan on working hard to get off of welfare, but at the moment I honestly need it. So yes I am a single mom on welfare, and I am thankful that I am getting help to make sure my son is taken care of.

Now to those who do abuse the welfare system, what you do is wrong. If you can afford to spend money on your nails, hair, name brand clothing, expensive electronics, and other things that I know I could not afford, you do not need welfare. You are taking advantage of the system that should be helping others that are living on the street or may be losing everything, including there children, if they do not get help. This is especially to those that do not work, but leave there kids with there parents so that they can go drink and God only knows what else. I do think that there should be drug tests on anyone who receives welfare, because if they can afford drugs they do not need help. I give applause to single moms because it is hard, but some women just do not have there priorities in order.

Yes I am a single mom on welfare. I work full time, I start school in August, I get no child support at all and I do not plan to use welfare as a permanent crutch in my life. Welfare is temporary for me, as it should be for anyone. We should all want to be able to provide for our families without the governments assistance.

I saw this pic and completely agree. Welfare is not an occupation, it is just a form of help so that you can get through a tough time, not live on it forever.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

It is Time to get My Health in Order

My baby boy will be a year old June 10th and recently I have realized that I have put myself last with everything in my life. I really should have realized it a while back, but I had a veil over my eyes. Before I got pregnant with my son I had lost more than 50 pounds by working hard. I started at 210 and went down to almost 150. My highest weight during my pregnancy was 205. Once my baby was born I lost 30 pounds. Some how I have been putting weight on a little at a time and I now weigh 186 pounds. This is affecting my health and my body.

In December I had a knee injury and I kept putting things off as far as getting back into shape. Thursday I had to go to the hospital with stomach problems and found out I have cysts on my ovaries as well as a few other problems. This has really given me a wake up call. If I could just lose 20 pound it could dramatically decrease my knee pain and my stomach issues. These problems are really affecting my life. I am now on pain pills for these issues. I hate taking any medicine, especially with a toddler running around the house.

It is time for this single mommy to get her health in order. I have put together a plan to make some serious changes in my diet. I want to lose a total of 50 pounds. The last time I did this in five months, so I know that it is very achievable. I am very motivated at the moment and I want this change. My health and my self esteem has been jeopardized by my lack of taking care of myself.

All moms need to remember that if we do not remember to take care of ourselves, we will not be able to take care of our children. It's funny how big of a difference it can make in there lives if we are healthy. I do not want my son to have to take care of me when he gets older. I want to be able to go on adventures with him when he is older.