Have You Ever Lost Someone Close to you?

Have you ever lost anyone close to you. To name a few I have lost my brother, Granny, Grandpa, numerous close friends throughout the years, and most recently my boyfriend. Having someone die close to you can be very hard. Even with all of the losses I have had throughout the years, losing Justin was the hardest. In the last three months I have had a hard time grasping the loss and how to move on. I have good days and bad day, but in all I think I am holding up. I have always felt as if I had to be the strong one.
Emotions are not something that I show very well, but what keeps me going is my Faith. I do have Faith in God and Heaven, but I watched a movie today that gave me a new look on life. The movie "Heaven is For Real" was such an eye opener. I have to say I cried the entire way through the movie, but it gave me this feeling of calmness. I know Justin is in Heaven, and so many other I knew as well. If you have lost anyone close to you, watch this movie. Even if you do not believe in God or Heaven, I think you would enjoy the movie. It is the accounts of a 4 year old that went to Heaven, it is an amazing story. Heartfelt and sincere, and based on the true recollection from this little boy.

Stay Positive to Become Successful

It is so easy to say “stay positive”, but there can be times when it is not that easy. Since losing my boyfriend in April I have had a problem with staying positive. Now that I have had to reduce my hours at work, I am having an even bigger problem staying positive.  Justin would always tell me that he loved the optimism in me; I can see the light in everything. I actually can, even with his death I have made it a point to look at the positive. There are days that it is beyond difficult to do this, but I am finding my way through faith and my personal beliefs.

Since I have been having a lot of negative thoughts I have had to do some self-reflection on why I have always been so positive about life. I have had a very hard life at times but I know the hard times end, and I have received more blessings after the hard times are over.  Also, if we continue to focus on these negative things then our lives begin to rotate around them. We attract negative people, and negative actions, with our negative thoughts.

Today is the day I go back to being the optimistic person that he loved so much. I will plan my life in a positive way, and make positive choices. Always remember that the negative is what brings us down, and we cannot allow that to continue. There are always positive points in your life through loss of a loved one, loss of a job, being without certain things, and even in personal suffering. Find what keeps you focused on your goals. It may be your kids or even yourself. Do not let anyone hold you back. Stay positive and continue to work for what you want so you can become successful. Each of us can find success in our own way, and each of us will have a different opinion of what success is. My success is focusing on making sure my son it taken care of. Giving him everything he needs, not necessarily everything he wants.

Where has time gone?

I have not posted on here for over a year, but life has been crazy. I have been going to school full time, and working 50+ hours a week. I put my online work on the back burner for a while. This is an update of how the last year has been full of ups and downs with my life.

I am finally down to one class to complete. Unfortunately I failed the class last semester, but it was a very hard semester.

Last year I met a great man. He was a customer of mine, and we became fairly close. He finally asked me for my number and we started talking. We would talk for hours each day. Once I finally began going to his house, and he to mine, we were inseparable.  Him and I had everything in common. We would sit and talk for hours and if I was unable to see him on a certain day, we would talk on the phone. He always texted me and called me, he would even stop by my job every day, some days two or three times. I finally found true love, and I knew it from the first kiss.

On April 12, 2014 I had spent the night at his house. The next morning both of us was feeling very bad, but we thought it was the weather. I left his house to go to work at 2pm, and then I had to be back to work at 6am the following morning. I received a call from the police department telling me there had been an accident.

Hearing this, I knew he had died. They met me and told me the he died during the night between the 13th and 14th from carbon monoxide poisoning. This ripped my soul out. It hurt even more when I heard that everyone knew he was the happiest in the last few months then they had ever seen him.

Since this has happened I have been on this horrible emotional roller coaster. We had so many plans for the future, and he wanted to raise my son. His parents sent me a portion of his ashes, and they signed his truck over to me. I made a promise to them and my boyfriend, Justin, that I would continue with our dreams and plans. The biggest thing we wanted to do was purchase some land here in Teller County, CO and make it completely self sufficient. This is what I am working on now.

The death of my boyfriend, Justin, was the hardest thing I have ever been through. I know if my work schedule was any different I would have died with him, and I have had days where I wish I would have. I know my son needs me, and I know God has other plans for me. The way I have been dealing with his loss is planning for things that we wanted to do. I am helping his memory live by my actions. He will always be in my heart no matter what the future holds for me.

Plans for the next year:

• Finish my degree
• Enroll my son in school
• Pay off my credit cards, which will increase my credit
• Find the perfect piece of land in Teller County, CO
• Purchase the land and put a small home on it until I can build the home I want. Nothing fancy, just something I can raise my son in and we both be happy.
• Evaluate my career path. I love my job, but would love to find something from home so I can spend more time with my son. As a single mom going to school full time and working full time, I have not seen him much.

No matter what my future holds, Justin will always be a part of my life. I will eventually move on, but I know God and Justin will let me know when the right person comes along.

"Where is my smile", "You even me out, you are always so optimistic about everything" Both of these quotes are from my boyfriend, Justin Gibbons, and they will keep me motivated. I love him always.

Anyone that has read my last posts know about my past plans to move to South Dakota, well God has ways of changing our plans and showing us where we really belong..