Do not let ANYONE tell you it can't be done

Today I have been reading about the struggles of single moms, and believe me I know the struggles. One site I was reading the advice a girl was getting was that she needs to quit school and focus on raising her child and earning what little income she had coming in. This upset me because as a single mom I do not believe we should settle. Life is hard but we can get through it. I want to share my experiences of being a single mom. This is not a sympathy post, it is a motivational post. We all go through struggles in life, it is how we get through these struggles that make us who we are.

2010: For me, being a single mom started the day I found out I was pregnant. I knew that the father was my ex. We were together for 8 years, split up, tried to make up, but no luck. I found out I was pregnant a couple of months later. He was seeing someone else, and my name got ran in the mud. I was called a slut and much worse all over facebook. The word about me was supposedly I had been sleeping with numerous people during this time, which I was not. I had the support of my exs family and my family, but not having the father involved was hard. I could understand that it was hard to believe I was even pregnant. I had been told I would not have kids, and him and I were together for 8 years without even the worry of ever having a kid.

2011: Before my son was born I new I would be moving. I was leaving Texas and heading towards the mountains. I was planning on South Dakota, but plans changed. My disabled sisters husband left her after 20+ years to raise 3 kids on her own, and my disabled mom also lived with us. Once my son was born June 10, 2011 I new I had to leave. We took a camping trip to Colorado and found the perfect spot. The day I was released from the doctor from my Cesarian we packed up two moving trucks and two trailers and moved to Colorado. My son was two months old when we made a 15 hour drive to where I currently live.

I was blessed with a job two weeks after we moved. The pay was not much, but I was able to pay most of the bills for my new large household. In December of 2011 I fell at work and permanently injured my right knee. 

2012: Everything was going fairly good in the beginning of the year but September 14, 2012 I fell at home and had a few bad injuries. My neck, back, right leg, and right arm was hurting bad. I am still dealing with the pain today. The doctor pulled me off work for a couple of weeks. Well I was a week away from being covered by FMLA, so I lost my job. I did receive unemployment after a couple of months, but it still was not enough to cover everything.

I did start taking 15 credit hours in college in August of 2012. 

2013: In February we found a much smaller place to live, but it was something we could afford on such limited incomes.

In April I was offered my job back at my former employer, and I took the position. I started working 40+ hours a week and was still taking 15 credit hours of school.

In July I was promoted to assistant manager because we had lost our entire crew, plus one of my coworkers was in a horrible accident. She was out for a little more than a month. During this time it was basically only the store manager and I. I was training three new people and he was covering mornings by himself. This means for about 2 months I worked 70 hours a week, no days off, still went to school full time, and still made sure my son was taken care of.

In October I had a customer start coming in regularly. Him and I talked a lot but not much else.

2014: The 1st week of January that customer finally asked for my number. We talked for hours every day, but did not actually have our first real date until Super Bowl Sunday because we kept having horrible snow storms. Even just on the phone we instantly hit it off on a very intimate level. I stayed at his place that Sunday because of the weather. Our first kiss was the most intense thing I had ever felt in my life. I knew from that moment that I would be with him forever, and I had avoided dating for 4 years. He was able to get into my heart further than anyone ever had. We spent as much time as possible together. My son loved him, and my mom even said he will be with you forever. She said we were perfect together.

Sunday April 13, 2014 I had spent the night at his house, he and I were both really sick when we woke up. He almost passed out walking me to my car, but he told me he would be fine. He was more worried about me, as always. He called me a little while later and told me that he had eaten and felt much better.

Monday April 14, 2014 I received a call from a detective. She wanted to meet. I knew what was coming. He died during the night due to carbon monoxide poisoning, which I was also suffering from the previous morning. His dog was with him, she survived but was put to rest a few days later. Losing him was horrible for me, my family, and especially my son. We had made so many plans, and he pushed me to do my best in everything.

The next few weeks I had to take finals, do final projects, and help with his final things.  I did fail one of my classes but it was the hardest thing I had ever been through, and honestly it still is most days. His parents have been the best, they even signed his truck over to me. They told me that he had finally found his soul mate. What seems to hurt his mom the most is that he had been through so much, and finally found someone that would be with him through everything. I made him want to change his life.

During this time I only took one day off of work. I still worked more than 45 hours a week, some weeks recently more than 55. I have taken the Summer off of school, but will finish my last class next semester.

As I read back through this post I realize  it shares a lot, but does not even begin to show the emotional and physical things I have went through since I have become a single mom. My son has kept me going. I also have to say with all of this, I still have my faith and a very positive attitude about life. There are days where I wish I would have been in that bed with my boyfriend, but then I realize that my son would have suffered way to much.

Do not let anyone tell you that you can't accomplish things in your life. There will always be struggles in life, but you can get through them. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I have learned that the more positive you are about life, the better life is.

UPDATE 2019:

Well since this post I have still has many things happen. December of 2014 my sister passed away,  January my sons grandfather and my Aunt passed away, and since then I have lost my grandmother, a couple of cousins and my last great aunt. It has been hard but we have also had blessing.

When my sister passed away my mom and I got custody of her kids. Her son chose to live with his dad so I had her two daughters. So I was a single mom of my son and her two daughters. Thank God for having them though, they mean everything to me just like they were my own.

In April of 2015 we were homeless and stayed homeless until I was finally able to purchase a home in November of 2015. We had a lot of friends help us through this and I do not know what I would have done without them all.

I did get my business degree in 2015 even with all of the struggles that I was facing. So do not ever let anyone tell you things cannot be done. I did it and so can you.

We also have a new addition to the family, my daughter, Delila. She is now 14 months old. She is a hand full but an amazing baby.

Negativity Towards Single Moms

Since I have became a mom I read a lot of different things on the internet. Today I came across another post about single moms, the comments were ridiculous. The comments were things like; single moms deserve it, the country takes care of the single moms because they are worthless, single moms bring it all on themselves, single moms are horrible moms, and a lot of other very negative comments about single moms. The only question I have is why? Why is there so much negativity to all single moms. These people cannot judge all single moms because of things that a few do. It makes me so upset to see such negativity towards single moms. Each single mom has there own situation that brought them to be a single mom.

My story:

I was with the man I loved for a little more than seven years. We had actually tried to have a baby before, but no success. I was actually told I would never have a child. Well we split up for a few months, then began to hang out again. I was still in love with him, and honestly still am. We had sex one night, and a little over a month went by and I found out I was pregnant. I sent him a message to let him know, and guess what he said. "Who's is it?" I had not had sex with anyone else and I knew whose it was without a doubt.

After a month or so of not talking he decided he wanted to try and be involved. I was open to that. We went out to dinner and hung out for a few weeks. When my birthday came around we set up a date, he stood me up. The next thing I know I was being called a slut, whore, bitch, and other things on Facebook. I never responded to all of the comments, I knew it would come out.

During the remainder of my pregnancy I decided I had to move on with my life, so I planned a move from Texas to Colorado. I had always wanted to move north, and I made up my mind to do exactly that. I did want to wait until after the baby was born though.

I sent my babies dad all of the sonogram pics and updated him with all of my appointments. The only response I received was that I was just carrying the baby, I wasn't important. The day I went in the hospital his mom talked him into coming. I never turned him away. He was there the day his son was born, and was one of the first people to hold him. I knew he was with someone else, and I was OK with that. It wasn't about me, it was about my son. I did not put him on the birth certificate because I was being a little selfish and thought he should have to work with something. He did put  public apology on Facebook the day my son was born.

My babies dad was there a little bit in the couple of months that I was still in Texas before I moved. He didn't come much because every time he did his girlfriend would call, text, threaten to leave him, and even called the cops on herself at one point because she was going to hurt him. I found out later that she had her birth control implant removed without him knowing and became pregnant a few months after he found out I was pregnant.

Him and I agreed to be friends and he agreed to pay $200 a month to help, well that did not last long. His girlfriend told him to stop because he couldn't see his son anyway. I was even OK with that. I didn't push it. I wanted us to communicate so he could get to know his son. Every time we talked I would start getting messages from her. She even went as far as to say she was going to take my son. There were quite a few incidents with her sending me threatening messages, so I decided to let him know that I couldn't deal with anything from her. She has nothing to do with my son.

They had there son in January of this year. I have talked to him a few times, and send him pictures occasionally. He was trying to plan a trip to visit, but decided not to come because she was not welcomed. I have never threatened to keep his son away from him, and I keep trying to involve him in everything. There can't be only one person trying. One of the last conversations we had was that if his girlfriend could not have any involvement with his son that he didn't want any involvement either. I still send him pics and texts letting him know what is going on, but he is not ALLOWED to talk to me about anything else. LOL I really do not understand it all.

Now I am a single mom, work full time for not much more than minimum wage, start school full time in August, take care of my son, and yes I do receive food stamps and medicaid. I have not went after him for child support because I would get no more than $200 a month. Since we split up he went from having a nice apartment and a nice car, to losing the car we had plus three more. Then she posted on Facebook the other day that there fan is being repoed. They have also been evicted from two places. I learned all of this from him and his family, I am not just making things up. So why should I try to take a man to court, have him acknowledged as my sons dad, fight with the system, then still probably get nothing. I feel like I can do it, I am willing to work as much as possible to take care of my son.

My Sisters Story (in short);

She has been on life support eight times since 2004, had her pancreas, spleen, and part of her stomach removed. She is married to the man that helped raise me and gave me away at my wedding, my brother-in-law. They were the ideal couple up until about two years ago, well she found a pic of a women on facebook that was taken in his 18 wheeler. Well in short, he moved out February 4th, 2011 to be with another women. He left her with three kids, a mortgage, and no income at all because she is disabled.

She told him that she was planning on moving to Colorado with me, and he signed the court paperwork allowing it. The reason for her deciding to move was that her home was being foreclosed on, and my mom and I was moving. She wanted to be with her family, since we are the ones that have raised the kids since she has been sick.

He was ordered to pay $1400 a month in child support. I am sure that shows you the kind of money that he makes, and since then he is making over $250, 000 a year. Since we have been in Colorado (August 14, 2011) he has paid two child support payments, and let the vehicle that he was supposed to be paying on be repossessed. He did give my moms truck back to her, but there are a lot of problems with it. I am trying to fix a little at a time. My sister receives Food Stamps, medicaid, and TANF. She was recently awarded disability, but she has not received a dime. Also he has started paying child support, but she has yet to see a dime. The reason she has not seen a dime from either is TANF. TANF has to be paid back, and apparently they cannot figure out what she owes so they are keeping everything from both. So for everyone who thinks that single moms who receive help from the government have it made, think again.


My Feelings:

I know that there are single moms that abuse the system, I know a couple personally. There are people that abuse every system, but you can't judge people in a whole because of what some do. There are a lot of single moms that are trying to give there kids more in life. One comment I read was that all single moms sleep around without protection and keep having babies so that they can receive welfare, another was that women should focus more on finding the right relationship before having kids. My sister was married for 17 years and was with that man for 22. They lived great, and he made over $200, 000 a year for the last few years, so she felt secure financially. She can't afford a lawyer so she is being screwed by her husband.

The people that do talk so negative about single moms need to educate themselves more. You are ignorant to things that go on around you. My sisters three kids can teach you a thing or two, all of them are in the presidential honor society. Hell my 11 month old son could probably teach you something, since I take time to teach him counting, colors, and RESPECT.

I may have rambled some in this post, but it pisses me off to see the ignorance in this country. These ignorant people judge all single moms because of something a few do. I am guessing that they judge a race because of something they see one person from that race do that is not right. The only judge I have is GOD, I can not and will not be judged by another. I will also not judge anyone else. I love everyone, but I do not have to like all of the ignorant judgmental people that actually know nothing about life.